It’s been a little over 4 months since I was diagnosed with a burnout and I’ve been recovering, slowly but steadily. Last month I was able to go back to work at 20% of my usual hours and we just upped that to 50% this week. It’s exhausting and taking a lot of me physically, but it’s also rewarding and I love being around my colleagues again. I’m doing okay but I’m also still struggling to find balance. Not that balance has ever really been my strong suit. I’m kind of an all or nothing kind of girl, always have been. In fact, I have a tattoo designed specifically to remind me to aim for more balance but still I fail.
What I’ve learned, though, is that this is okay.
Because I’ve been pushing myself too hard for the past couple years that I’ve kind of had to start over from zero and look for just what my new normal is going to be. Starting this blog has been a part of that but so are long-ish walks, crochet, needlepoint, yard work, cooking,… I think I was finally getting close to some sort of new normal while I was still home full-time but starting work again, even as little as 2 half days a week, has had a much bigger impact on me than I had imagined, both physically and mentally. I’m still having a lot of issues with focus and being overwhelmed easily but making lists for just about everything is helping me redirect my energy towards what needs to get done. Physical fatigue is also still an issue but I found that it improved as I got used to going back to work.
It will take a while to find my new normal. I think I want it to so I can take my time and not rush into things or worse, settle into someone else’s normal. I’ve done that before and it all it did was bring me here, back to zero.